I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
