I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
And the cops told us we were all naked.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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