i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
