About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
