I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
