They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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