right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize