1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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