i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
