So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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