I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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