Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
