i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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