Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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