She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
