i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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