What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
