i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
