also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
