so explain again why im purple
no
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
