you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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