Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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