Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
