I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
