Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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