My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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