I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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