Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
