I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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