Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
