just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
