I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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