i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
