Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
