At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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