is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
