areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
