I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
