You made me cry and you don't even care
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
