covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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