it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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