Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
