Cold hands, warm shart.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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