found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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