Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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