Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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