once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
