If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
