you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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