I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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