My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
