so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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