...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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