He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
