yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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