I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
