went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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