Will you blow on my dice?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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