In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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