her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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