my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
