Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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