im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
