Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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