Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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