Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
