Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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