the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He better not be in your backpack
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
