never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
