Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
