i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
