dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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