she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
