It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
