Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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