At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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