Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
