it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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