I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I die, sorry about rent.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
