I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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