i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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