he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
