Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
